How to Manage Your Stress
“Thoughts are just thoughts.”
By Licensed Therapist Diana Ruiz, MA, LCPC
Disclaimer
This blog contains evidence-based therapy techniques. The content is for informational purposes only. It does not constitute medical and psychological advice. This blog is not intended to substitute for medical and psychological diagnosis or treatment. Please consult a doctor or mental health professional.
How to Manage Your Stress
In today's fast-paced world, stress has become an almost unavoidable part of daily life, affecting our mental and physical well-being. Whether it's work deadlines, personal challenges, or the constant barrage of information, stress can creep into every aspect of our lives, often without us even realizing it. However, managing stress effectively is crucial for maintaining balance and overall health. This blog will explore practical strategies and insights to help you understand, manage, and ultimately reduce stress, allowing you to lead a more peaceful and fulfilling life. Here is what you will find:
How to Audit your Stress
Manage Worry, Control Negative Thoughts, and Stop Overthinking ( Cognitive Restructuring)
Reframe Your Thoughts
Evaluate Your Thoughts
Solving Problems
Take Responsibility
Heal (Change)Your Brain
Acceptance/ Mindset
Mindfulness/Mindfulness of Thoughts
Cut out Stressors
How to Audit Your Stress
Long periods of stress take a toll on our mental health and body. Managing stress is difficult in this fast-paced world where you have "millions" of responsibilities or tasks. When you have multiple responsibilities and a lot going on, knowing what is causing you stress can be challenging. It's essential to identify and analyze what is causing stress. Some people know exactly what is causing stress, while others may need to practice awareness and tracking. Keeping track of stress is essential! Find a journal to keep track of some things, and dedicate this journal just to your stress management and mental health. Who doesn't love a cute aesthetic journal?
Daily track a few things:
Emotions/Mood/How you feel
Stressors (What caused or triggered stress)
Thoughts
Sleep hours
Health habits (Exercise, eating habits, sleep, water intake)
Body Reactions, Physiological Response/ Physical symptoms
Track the above for a week, a month, or a while. The above markers will give you information, especially the causes of your stress.
Manage Worry, Control Negative Thoughts, and Stop Overthinking (Cognitive Restructuring)
When we face stressful situations, we often worry about the stressors. Sometimes, we can't stop thinking about it and ruminate. Some people experience overthinking, thinking about the "what ifs" and imagining the worst-case scenarios. It may be essential to know if you have a problem to solve or if it's your perception. If you have a problem, you must solve it; if it's your perception, you can do cognitive work.
Identify if you are worrying, overthinking, or ruminating. Here are three ways to manage worrying, negative thoughts, and overthinking.
Reframe Your Thoughts
Frequently, our thoughts tend to gravitate towards the negative aspects, potentially leading to a pessimistic storyline about oneself or one's situation.
This narrative might manifest as:
I do not have the discipline or willpower to achieve my goals. I can't do it. I have underachieved, and my future will be the same.
Reframing your narrative and THOUGHTS is essential to reduce negative thoughts about yourself and life. Reframing thoughts involves shifting how you perceive and interpret your experiences or identity. Here's an example:
Original narrative/thought: "I failed to get the promotion; I'm not good enough for this job."
Reframed narrative: "Not getting promoted doesn't define my worth or capabilities. It's an opportunity to reassess my goals, improve my skills, and explore new possibilities for growth."
Focus on reframing negative thoughts and your narrative. Keeping a journal of your thoughts and your narrative will be helpful to the practice of reframing. Remember that reframing thoughts is an essential daily practice and will take some time and practice to impact how you feel. Reframing your thoughts will help reduce stress and look forward to solutions and a peaceful emotional state.
What else can you do to reframe your thoughts?
To reframe your thoughts:
Identify your negative thoughts and worst-case scenarios.
Grab your journal and draw a line down the middle.
On the left side of the sheet, place your negative thoughts.
On the right side, write the reframed thought.
Here is another example of a reframed thought:
Negative thought: My breakup makes me feel like a failure, and it feels like people will judge me.
Reframed thought: My breakup does not define me as a person. I have learned from that experience and focused on my well-being.
Evaluate Your Thoughts
Thoughts are just thoughts, meaning some are not based on facts. We usually may experience erroneous thoughts; once we believe them, they may cause stress and anxiety or affect our mood. It's important to know that some of our thoughts are not correct. Some of our thought patterns are rigid, such as thinking in all or nothing, black or white thinking, and personalizing. If you have distressing or negative thoughts based on facts, you must solve a problem, accept something you can not change, or use mindfulness. If your thought is erroneous, we can shift it and address it. You can evaluate or test your thoughts to determine if they are inaccurate. Evaluating your thoughts is an easy task.
The first step to evaluating your thoughts is to identify your thoughts. If you are unaware of your thoughts, practice noticing what you are thinking about, record your thoughts, and keep a thought record. Here are some questions to help you identify your thoughts:
What was I thinking?
What was I imagining?
What was I anticipating or predicting?
What was going through my mind?
Am I overthinking? What are those thoughts?
Am I thinking about the what-ifs and worst-case scenarios? What are those thoughts?
Your second step is to evaluate whether the thought is valid or erroneous. You should grab your journal, write your thought at the top, and draw a line down the middle. The line down the middle divides the page into two sections: the left side and the right side. Start with the left side and list the facts and evidence you have that your thought is true. Keep going with the list until you have exhausted the list. Then, go to the right side and list the evidence that your thought is invalid ( not true, false, incorrect). The right side may be challenging. Challenge yourself to be flexible and get help from someone if you get stuck. Once you finish your two lists, determine which side has more valid evidence. If you decide your thought has insufficient evidence and is erroneous, write a coping statement to remind yourself of your findings. The coping statement may sound something like this:
When I worry about losing my job or getting fired, I will focus on the evidence that my boss has complimented me on my work and my work is done well.
I recommend writing affirmations and reading your coping statement daily for some time. If you have concluded that you have valid and sufficient evidence that your negative thoughts are accurate, I recommend you check this with a friend or a trusted person. If you have enough proof that your negative thoughts are accurate, you may need to cope, accept, or solve the problem, which is the perfect segue to the next session.
Solving Problems
Stress is either caused by a real stressor/problem or by our perception. If you have a real problem, you should plan how to solve it. If you have a real problem, you can solve it as fast as possible or schedule a time to solve it. In the most gentle and warm way, you need to solve your problems. Avoiding problems makes the issues bigger and doesn't let you be at peace. Some problems take time to solve, but you can solve others immediately. Take some time to sort out, talk, and plan a solution. Schedule some time to think about solutions, and once that time is up, focus on living your life. Here are some ideas on what to do to solve your problems:
Boundaries with others and work
Pomodoro technique and scheduling
Plan solutions to your problems with the Pomodoro technique. Plan for 25 minutes and take a break for 5 minutes. In the five minutes, do something to relax and take care of yourself. Repeat the cycle as needed. Once you have a plan, schedule it in your agenda.
Write a Step-by-step Plan
Write out the problem or the goal that you have. Determine the first significant steps (steps 1-5). Start step one, determine the steps for this step, and schedule those out. Scheduling things for your week is essential. Hold an appointment with yourself to complete the steps of your plan. If you schedule something for Friday at 2:00 pm and Friday at 2:00 pm comes along and you cannot work on your plan, reschedule the time and day. Stay committed to keeping those appointments with yourself.
Assertiveness Skills and Interpersonal Skills
With practice and exposure, things get easier. Be committed to being assertive and telling others what you need or want. Communicate how someone made you feel and how you like to solve problems with them. Being assertive and communicating our thoughts with others can be challenging, but the more you do it, the better you may be at coping with stress and problems. Here are two methods on how to communicate:
Emotion-focused communication
Focus on expressing your emotions and what you feel instead of focusing on what the other person did wrong. Concentrating on what they did wrong may tense the situation and trigger a fight. When you state your emotions calmly, the other person will be less likely to become defensive. Emotion-focused sounds like this:
I am sad and hurt that you did not consider my opinion. I would like you to incorporate my ideas more often.
DEAR MAN (DBT interpersonal skill)
Describe: Describe the situation while sticking to the facts. You can use phrases like:
I feel
I want
I don't want
Stay away from phrases such as:
You should
You shouldn't
Express: Express your emotions, feelings, and opinions.
Assert: Assertively ask for what you want.
Reinforce: Reinforce or reward the person by explaining the positive effects of your request. Reinforce that their help would be helpful.
Asking for what you want and need will help you reduce stress. Clarify situations with others that are stressing you. Here are some additional things to remember when using assertive and interpersonal skills:
People can't read your mind
People don't always know how you feel
Don't expect others to know how you feel
When making a request from others, sound and look confident and firm with what you are asking
Say no when you need to
Be open to negotiating and compromise
Take Responsibility
Sometimes, we don't cause our problems but must solve them. You can choose not to solve your problems, which may make you unhappy or miserable. There are a significant number of things that you can not change in this world, but you can change some. Take responsibility for your life and commit to coping with stress, solving problems, and working ways to reduce negative thoughts. You won't regret it when you are in a better state or see progress.
Heal (Change)Your Brain
Changed brain = Changes Behavior/Life
If you experience chronic stress, have a history of trauma, or experience anxiety, your brain may need healing. Even if your brain does not need healing, understanding the connection between your brain, body, and mind is essential. Our brain and body are not separate; they work together and exist together. If our body is not doing well, our brain/mind suffers, too. If our brain and mind have chronic stress, our body also suffers.
You can heal (change) your brain in three ways: top-down, bottom-up, and lateral techniques. I will leave the lateral techniques for another blog, but first, let's jump into the stress response in your body.
When you are in the height of a stressful situation, and your body is in stress mode, using your body to send your brain the message that everything is safe and okay will be faster than telling your brain to calm down cognitively. It just doesn't work when you are advised to calm down or tell yourself to calm down. For example, if you are having a panic attack, you can't just tell yourself to calm down, and the panic attack goes away; you need a body-based technique that uses your body to send the message back to the brain that everything is fine.
When you receive information from your five senses, the information travels through your nervous system to your brain. Once it arrives in your brain, it goes to the thalamus; the thalamus sends it down to the amygdala and up to the cortex; except for smells, smells go directly to the amygdala. The amygdala checks in with the hippocampus for memories of stress or danger. If it is determined that the information captured by your five senses is dangerous or stressful, you may go into fight, flight, freeze mode, or feel distress. Suppose the amygdala determines something is stressful/dangerous, and you need to go into a stress response. In that case, the amygdala sends that information down to the body and up to your cortex. The thing is, the information travels much quicker and is shorter in distance to activate the stress response because your brain is wired for survival and is slower (and longer) to the cortex, where it can analyze and problem-solve the information (situation), which means that you can't calmly think about a dangerous situation, your body will react first. Your brain is wired to quickly assess if you are in danger, not analyze if you are in danger.
If the amygdala is activated, it communicates via the stress route to your adrenal and pituitary pathways. The stress response pathways soon activate your body to go into a stress response. It tightens your muscles (which is why you may encounter muscle tension and knots when stressed and anxious), and you experience an accelerated heart rate. During the stress response, the blood flow is redirected to the areas of your body that will need it to fight or flee. Therefore, blood redirects away from your stomach/digestive to other places, causing a stomach reaction such as a stomach ache or pit. Digestion, at this point, is not a priority.
Let's finally talk about how to heal your brain or keep it healthy. I previously mentioned three ways to change and heal your brain. These ways include top-down, bottom-up, and lateral. Top-down means that you are using the top half of your brain to impact stress response or healing. Bottom-down means using your body to affect your brain for positive changes. The top half of your brain, such as the prefrontal cortex, is used to analyze, learn, and problem-solve. The bottom half of your brain is the "lizard brain," where the "alarm system," including the amygdala, is located. The lower brain is where the stress response starts.
Cognitive behavioral therapy(CBT) includes top-down techniques such as evaluating and reframing thoughts. CBT has a significant impact on the mind and brain, but you also need bottom-up techniques. Bottom-up techniques use your body to impact the brain. Here are some bottom-down techniques:
Exercise
Vagus nerve stimulation
Diaphragmatic Breathing
Yoga
Acceptance/Mindset
Practicing acceptance and working on your mindset is essential for stress management.
Radical acceptance is a skill outlined in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Radical acceptance means accepting the things we can not change without judgment. Radical acceptance can be difficult to practice because we need to analyze if what we are trying to accept is something we can change. If you ask yourself, can I change this? If you answer yes, you can change it, but if you decide you will not change it, it may continue to cause stress. If you ask yourself, can I change this? If your answer is no, then you can practice radical acceptance. Radical acceptance is accepting the things we can not change, even if you hate, dislike, or are against it.
Radical acceptance, when practiced, will bring you peace soon or with some time. Avoidance or suppression is not radical acceptance. Avoiding your problems or avoiding doing something difficult is not healthy acceptance. Avoidance will only prolong a problem, causing you stress or severe consequences. Avoidance of emotions or suppression of your feelings and needs is also not healthy acceptance.
Mindfulness/Mindfulness of Thoughts
Worrying, overthinking, and going over situations in your mind is awful. Worrying about the future or the unknown is stressful. You wonder how things will turn out, if you will have a happy future, or how stressful a situation can be. You ruminate about what has happened and can't stop thinking about things.
Mindfulness is another skill learned throughout the process of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Solving problems and making plans is essential, but when you are not actively solving your problems or coping with stress, you will need mindfulness. Why mindfulness? You may feel stressed and anxious if you constantly think about your problems or worry.
We have gone over managing thoughts and worries as well as solving problems. When you are not focusing on addressing worries and are engaged in your life activities but are worrying or ruminating, mindfulness of thoughts will be necessary.
Mindfulness of Thoughts:
Remember that thoughts are just thoughts. Just because you have a thought does not mean it's real. Thoughts and emotions are not facts. Mindfulness of thoughts is almost like meditation without sitting and closing your eyes. When practicing meditation, the critical part is recognizing when your mind has wandered off. You gently bring it back to not thinking about something specifically, or you refocus on your breathing. Mindfulness of thoughts is recognizing what you are thinking, and you gently let thoughts go, to refocus on what is present for you. For example, if you're trying to relax and watching your favorite show but can't stop thinking about something, mindfulness of thoughts is perfect for that moment. As you are ruminating or overthinking while watching your show, recognize what you are thinking and gently set that thought aside. Refocus your attention back to your show. Eventually, your thoughts may come back, and you repeat. You gently recognize the thoughts and let them go. With time and lots of practice, it will be easier to experience more time without overthinking. Here is what to do:
As you are participating in an activity, focus your attention on the activity.
If you start thinking, worrying, ruminating, or overthinking, recognize the thought/s.
Gently let go of the thoughts.
Refocus your attention to your activities.
Repeat
Mindfulness
Mindfulness will help you control your thoughts instead of letting them, control you. It is staying present in the present and actively participating in a nonjudgmental way. While practicing mindfulness, you pay attention to the moment without trying to change or judge it. You are practicing letting go of changing the moment. Mindfulness-based interventions have shown to be helpful in a range of conditions and challenges, such as depression, anxiety, and substance abuse.
How do you know if you are NOT mindful?
If you are having a conversation with someone and your mind wanders off.
You are watching a show, and you are not paying attention.
You are working, and your mind wanders into thinking about other things.
Mindfulness is about staying present without attempting to change it or judging it. The challenge is the quality of awareness.
How to do Mindfulness
Observe
Pay attention
No judgment
You can do mindfulness at any time, including while you work, watch a show, have a conversation, wash the dishes, and eat. While doing what you are doing, you focus and observe without judgment. You focus on what you are doing, and when you are distracted by your thoughts or external distractions, you can recognize and let go of the thoughts/distractions. Repeat this process when you have other thoughts pop in. You are going to be so good at practicing mindfulness with practice.
Cut out Stressors
You made it to the end of this blog; good for you!
When the above techniques are helping, but you need more, consider eliminating stressors. It's vital that you reduce and eliminate stressors. I know you can handle a lot but sometimes it is best for our mental health to not overwhelm ourselves with too many responsibilities. If you are a high achiever you may be use to handling a lot. Evaluate when too many stressors are causing distress or impacting your functioning. Think about all your responsibilities or goals and prioritize your top ones. Plan to focus on the rest later. You don't have to take on everything in life. It's important to recognize when to say no to additional responsibilities and to reach out for help when needed. Here are some ideas to obtain help:
Ask loved ones to support you emotionally
Delegate work and household work to others
Higher help
Find a group that is working on the same thing you are
Prioritize sleep
Find professional help
Stay organized
Prioritize your goals and values
Managing stress is a more than one-size-fits-all solution; you may need multiple ways to manage it. The above techniques will be helpful. As long as you prioritize yourself and your mental health, you are on your way to living life with manageable stress.
If you need further guidance, check out my 73-page workbook, which includes techniques to help you manage stress by addressing overthinking and negative thoughts. I know you will like it! You can find it here.
